dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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