she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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