Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
