I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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