I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
