Duck Duck Cougar?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
