Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
