Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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