I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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