He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
