did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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