I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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