I just made out with a guy for $7.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
