just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Dick very happy bro
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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