Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
