How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
