I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
