thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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