it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
