we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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