Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
