Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
That's how pantless uber rides happen
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
