i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
