But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Randomize
