The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So many bounce houses so little time
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
