So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
