I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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