have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize