cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
