they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
