It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
