so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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