I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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