I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
