i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize