did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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