is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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