If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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