Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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