i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
