Non-Jews are for practice
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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