I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Randomize
