Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Randomize
