I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
There r osticjed everywhere
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
