During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize