Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
