So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
