i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
