shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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