and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
