Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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