Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
