More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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