We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
