its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
it was like eating out sand paper
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
