My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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