it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
