This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
