you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
