I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
