yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
