i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
