He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
And then my night got REAL pukey
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
