I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
