Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
