i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
