not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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